Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
