I am puke
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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