We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize