I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
