i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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