Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
