Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
