you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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