omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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