you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
