Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
