I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
