There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
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I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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