his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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