dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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