...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
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Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize