life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
