You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize