My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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