we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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