you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
