my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
