I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
