Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
