didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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