We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
