Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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