I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
