Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize