you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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