Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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