I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
