i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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