Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
