just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
