I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize