just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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