The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
