i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
