eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
