Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
