Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
