ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
