You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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