I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
