Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
