did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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