i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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