Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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