I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
