she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
