Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.