so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night