You can't special order awesome
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she smelled like a LAN party
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.