I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha