He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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