i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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