??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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