My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
