dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
