I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
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Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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