I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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