once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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