a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA