just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
