Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water

  (425): View more from Washington

  Legs for days

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Harpoon that

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  (425): Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water (425): Legs for days (1-425): Harpoon that http://tfl.nu/z0dx
  Replies (2) Good night (2051) Bad night (639)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.

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  (604): I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you. http://tfl.nu/twb2
  Replies (20) Good night (1844) Bad night (6950)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

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  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (7716) Bad night (1366)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker

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  (617): I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker http://tfl.nu/yzaq
  Replies (25) Good night (6560) Bad night (1047)
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  (607): View more from New York

  She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.

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  (607): She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her. http://tfl.nu/f1tk
  Replies (7) Good night (4498) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.

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  (734): I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady. http://tfl.nu/nlis
  Replies (8) Good night (4082) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.

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  (312): I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises. http://tfl.nu/7cml
  Replies (18) Good night (2018) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out

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  (608): She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out http://tfl.nu/4oi1
  Replies (6) Good night (590) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...

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  (503): Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat... http://tfl.nu/b2lc
  Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (1219)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.

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  (519): We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars. http://tfl.nu/3me1
  Replies (8) Good night (978) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.

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  (719): The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies. http://tfl.nu/1axa
  Replies (3) Good night (931) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants

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  (617): I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants http://tfl.nu/2nl4
  Replies (1) Good night (913) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."

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  (707): I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah." http://tfl.nu/2has
  Replies (2) Good night (413) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.

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  (307): Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen. http://tfl.nu/bs4y
  Replies (0) Good night (696) Bad night (208)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.

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  (612): I just bought a bottle of lube for my car. http://tfl.nu/si0x
  Replies (5) Good night (425) Bad night (267)

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