No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.