Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers