Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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